“When my partner moved five hours away for a short-term work opportunity, I convinced myself that I could handle it. It was only temporary, and we would find ways to make it work. But the reality of the transition was far harder than I expected,” confesses author Molly Wadzeck in an article with Business Insider.
Her struggle is something that many international couples can relate to. But unlike Wadzeck, most of them remain physically separated for years.
Proximity usually provides evidence for love and commitment. On the other hand, when you’re miles and hours apart, loneliness, doubts, and insecurity can fill your relationship. And with that, trust issues arise.
What are they? What triggers them? How do you address them and strengthen your long-distance relationship? Learn the answers to these questions (and more) by reading on.
What Are Trust Issues?
Trust issues refer to your lack of faith in your partner. You doubt their reliability and fear their dishonesty, betrayal, and abandonment.
Although they often point to underlying insecurity, the two aren’t synonymous.
Insecurity comes from a lack of self-worth. You doubt your abilities, especially in keeping your relationship, because of the false belief that you aren’t good enough. You can trust your partner, but not yourself.
What Causes Trust Issues?
Psychologist Erik Erikson states in his theory of development that our early stages of life create the foundations for our psychosocial growth. He hypothesizes that it’s during these years that we learn to trust or distrust people, depending on our experiences and takeaways.
And with that, it’s safe to say trust issues can stem from various causes. These are among the most common ones:
Parental conflicts
If you witness an unstable or toxic partnership at a young age, you’ll naturally fear history repeating itself in your relationship.
Attachment styles
How do you behave in your relationship? Do you feel secure, or do you often feel insecure, jealous, or anxious? If you have an anxious or insecure attachment style, you’ll likely find it difficult to trust others.
Relationship betrayal
Being cheated on undoubtedly sucks. The pain can stay with you for a long time, with some days being tougher than others.
Past pain
Traumatic experiences, such as abandonment or abuse, especially during childhood, are enough to sow mistrust.
Social rejection
If you’ve often experienced rejection from your peers, you learn to guard your heart.
What Triggers Trust Issues in a Long-Distance Relationship?
You now know the foundational reasons for your distrust of others. But what could trigger it down the line? These challenges and emotions in your long-distance relationship can set you off:
Similar experiences
Similar experiences can cause painful memories to resurface. For example, if your partner is behaving like your cheating ex, you might begin to doubt their commitment.
Communication issues
Technology helps address communication difficulties. But it has its lapses. Even if you can chat or call your partner, you can’t clearly read their nonverbal cues. You have no way of knowing whether they’re telling you the truth.
Stress and anxiety
You can’t see your partner’s surroundings or confirm their activities. Missing out on chunks of their life can cause you to feel stress and anxiety.
Sadness and loneliness
The physical separation can make you feel lonely. The more you miss out on quality time, holidays, and important milestones, the more what-if scenarios fill your mind. Eventually, your perception of your relationship and partner changes.
Can Distrust Ruin a Relationship?
Trust is important in creating a healthy and satisfying relationship. What happens if it’s lacking or missing?
A 2015 study states that distrust can lead to negative self-fulfilling prophecies. For example, if you constantly suspect your partner of cheating, you’re also more likely to snoop on them. In response, they might distance themself or act defensively.
You might think their behavior confirms your suspicions. In reality, they reflect the disharmony in your relationship and their ill feelings about being labeled untrustworthy.
How Can International Couples Build Trust from the Start?
Two cultures coming together in a relationship means upping efforts in the communication department.
You and your partner likely have different views regarding many things. It’s best to discuss them to better understand each other’s perspectives.
Talking about those differences may lead to disagreements, and that’s normal. Instead of a screaming match, calmly explain your perspective without forcing the other person to see things your way. This also helps in setting expectations, saving you from many misunderstandings.
Moreover, research each other’s cultures. A Google search is just a few taps away, so reading credible sources shouldn’t be too hard. Not only does this increase your stock information, but it also widens your worldview.
How Do You Solve Trust Issues in a Long-Distance Relationship?
Say distrust has already damaged your relationship. Despite the distance, you can still stop it from breaking you and your partner apart. Here’s how to solve trust issues in a relationship:
#1: Practice radical transparency.
This kind of transparency goes beyond surface-level details. Pulling this off means you and your partner have to lay yourselves bare. Say what’s on your hearts and minds without any filters.
#2: Reciprocate accountability.
If one of you is practicing self-accountability, the least the other can do is return the favor. That reciprocation will do wonders for your relationship.
A study published in The Journal of Positive Psychology found that relationships with high accountability levels lead to positive outcomes. Couples tend to have stronger connections, demonstrate responsible behavior, and possess positive virtues, such as gratitude. Conversely, those with lower accountability levels were prone to experiencing anxiety and depression.
#3: Do vulnerability exercises together.
You can’t know what the other person is thinking. But you can take turns sharing what’s on your mind. The good news is that proximity isn’t a requirement.
Vulnerability can be daunting, so before you start that emotional workout, create a safe and judgment-free space for your thoughts and feelings. From there, do simple yet significant exercises, like saying what you’re afraid to say.
#4: Don’t push your partner away.
While you may have issues trusting your long-distance partner, that doesn’t mean you should shut them out. You can cope without leaving them in the dark.
Communicate your doubts and triggers. For all you know, they may be unaware. Your honesty and vulnerability will help them understand and react properly.
Moreover, while this is your journey, you’ll need all the reassurance and positive reinforcement you can get.
#5: Seek professional help, if necessary.
Seek assistance from a couples therapist, marriage counselor, or any other appropriate licensed professional. They can offer guidance on how to cope with trust issues in a relationship.
Fortunately, many of these experts offer online sessions. Reach out to the one whom you believe is the best fit to tackle your problem.
The question is, when should you seek professional help for trust issues? That depends on you. But if it’s impacting not only your relationship but also your ability to function in everyday life, we suggest seeking help.
How to Trust Again in a Relationship After Betrayal
Couples aren’t immune to making mistakes, such as cheating.
Married or not, it’s a slap in the face to the commitment you’ve made as a couple. As if that isn’t bad enough by itself, doing it while in a long-distance setup heightens the pain because you can’t see the signs.
If your partner cheated and you still want to fix things, that’s not necessarily a bad decision. But do know this: you can’t rebuild trust overnight.
If you’re the offender, you should show genuine change in your behavior. Own up to your mistake and give a proper apology. Leave all your dishonesty in the past and keep working to earn back your partner’s trust.
But if you’re the aggrieved party, you need to do some work, too. Don’t excuse your partner, but hear their explanation out. If your partner is making a genuine change in their behavior, acknowledge their efforts.
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Trust issues make a long-distance relationship more complicated than it already is. But don’t let that discourage you from fixing them.
If you want to overcome those issues, take notes from this guide and work together—even if you’re far apart.
References:
Wadzeck, Molly. 2025. “My Long-Distance Relationship Taught Me About Trust and Communication.” Business Insider. https://www.businessinsider.com/long-distance-relationship-lessons-trust-communication-2025-3.
Cherry, Kendra. 2023. “Why You May Have Trust Issues and How to Overcome Them.” Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/why-you-may-have-trust-issues-and-how-to-overcome-them-5215390.
Rodriguez, Lindsey, Angelo DiBello, Camilla Øverup, and Clayton Neighbors. 2015. “The Price of Distrust: Trust, Anxious Attachment, Jealousy, and Partner Abuse.” Partner Abuse 6, no. 3 (July): 298-319. https://doi.org/10.1891/1946-6560.6.3.298.
Travers, Mark. 2024. “A Psychologist Offers 3 Ways To Fix Trust Issues In Your Relationship.” Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/traversmark/2024/04/01/a-psychologist-offers-3-ways-to-fix-trust-issues-in-your-relationship/.