Ladyboy in Bangkok: Debunking Misconceptions

A group of ladyboys — *Ladyboys in Bangkok are openly accepted by the community, so they’re not afraid to show who they are.*

For most foreign men, dating in Bangkok can be tricky. Many of them express a shared anxiety in dating locals, not because of the language or culture gap, but because of the fear of mistaking ladyboys for women.

A ladyboy in Bangkok is a common sight. You will see them out in the streets, bars, clubs, and even salons. Unlike many transgender people in the West, ladyboys in Thailand are exceptionally woman-like. Because of this, many tourists fear they are unintentionally dating a ladyboy.

However, the key part of the dating experience in Bangkok is far more than simply avoiding them. This landscape shall help further expand your knowledge about their culture, as well as overcoming an irrational fear of dating a ladyboy.

What do you know of Thailand and its ladyboy culture?

Distinguishing the Ladyboy Culture and Acceptance

When you think about Thailand, the predominant thought you’ll have in mind is Thailand’s culture. Their culture is vastly based on Buddhism, their national/dominant religion.

Their culture influences many positive traits, most importantly, acceptance. According to a blog from Cornell University, Buddhism’s teachings revolve around respect and causing no harm to others. It advises people to practice and live a life that works for them, as long as they don’t hurt others. These influences are seen in Thai lifestyle, mannerisms, and character, among other things.

Their profound culture of acceptance and tolerance is deeply rooted in their belief in karma (the energy given back). One of their obvious concept of karma is the third gender, locally known as the kathoey or the ladyboy.

A Karmic Debt to Pay

According to Richard Totman from his book “The third sex: Kathoey: Thailand's ladyboys,” in their Buddhist teachings, it is a form of penitence for men who have wronged women in the past. To pay for their karmic debt, they are said to be reincarnated as a woman’s soul trapped in a man’s body. Hence, they’ve come to be known as the “third gender,” a.k.a. the Ladyboy.

However, this isn’t interpreted as a punishment, but rather a reformation and lesson in being compassionate and understanding, which aligns with the Buddhist teachings of acceptance.

The Modern Perspective

In the modern context, it is important to clarify the meanings of terminology related to ladyboys to avoid misinterpretation. While the English slang “femboy” is used to identify effeminate gay men, the culturally appropriate term for the third gender in Thai culture is kathoey. This term distinguishes between a gay man, a femboy, and a ladyboy.

While the term “ladyboy” is used internationally, the kathoey represents the complex and age-old identity classified as the third gender in Buddhism. It is also well to note that most modern Thais prefer to call themselves ladyboys rather than transgender.

A ladyboy pageant night. — *In Thailand’s culture, it is acceptable to hold a pageant night for ladyboys.*

Defeating the Misconception about the Ladyboy in Bangkok

Understandably, foreign men are aware of the ladyboys in Thailand and their daily lives. However, due to the lack of cultural insight and understanding about the kathoey, they often create harmful stereotypes.

For most foreigners, these are the two stereotypical misconceptions about the ladyboys:

The fear of hidden identities
The transactional love myth

Debunking the Fear of Hidden Identities

One stereotypical misconception about the kathoey is that they are deceptive of their true nature, hiding their true identity throughout the relationship. While this fear is valid, it is wrong to generalize all ladyboys as fraud.

Remember that in Thailand’s culture, karma is a concept that reminds people of the consequences of their actions. As such, the kathoey know better than to deceive people, as it brings bad karma. Deception undermines their spiritual goal of seeking merit, and they will likely feel spiritual guilt.

Though your culture about transgenderism may be polarizing, you must remember that in Thailand, they are a respected group—they are visibly seen as a third gender, functioning normally in society.

Debunking the Myth of Transactional Love

There’s no doubt that some people are into dating a ladyboy when they visit Thailand. However, many think that they’re just glorified sugar babies and are only into transactional relationships.

While many people perceive ladyboys in Bangkok lounging around cabaret clubs and other adult-themed venues, this view is misguided. They work in typical offices to support their families. Some also work as entertainers, highlighting the significant role tourism plays in Thailand's economy.

The kathoey, like many others, also seek genuine love and affection—they desire to be loved for who they truly are, rather than for any selfish reasons. After all, they're still human beings.

Accepting and Integrating the Ladyboys in Bangkok’s Society

People shouldn’t deny that the Thai culture of acceptance ranges from the littlest things to something as life-changing as being transgender in Thailand. The kathoey are not only human, but functioning members of society, lest we forget they have a cultural significance to Thailand’s Buddhist culture.

Understandably, they are one of the driving forces in Thailand’s tourism, earning income through red-light districts and cabaret clubs—a dangerous and thankless industry. The ladyboys don’t work in such industries for fun and pleasure, but as a show of resiliency to earn income for their families. For Thais, serving and honoring their family is a must—a kathoey’s work in unusual jobs is a way of giving back to their parents' acceptance and love.

People should learn to integrate the lessons about accepting Thai ladyboys in society. This can be used as a way to understand how to date Thai locals by getting to know their culture. Treat Kathoeys how you would treat other women, and they’ll treat you better.

Whether it’s dating a ladyboy or a local Thai woman, respect, acceptance, and tolerance are key—not only in dating but in life in general.

Ladyboy in Bangkok: FAQ

What is the local Thai term for a ladyboy?

The culturally appropriate term for the "third gender" in Thailand is kathoey. This term helps distinguish a ladyboy from a gay man or a "femboy" (an effeminate gay man), and it represents their complex, age-old identity.

Why does Thai culture generally accept ladyboys?

Thai culture's acceptance is deeply rooted in Buddhism, the national religion. Buddhist teachings emphasize respect, tolerance, and causing no harm to others, leading to a profound culture of acceptance, including for the kathoey.

Do ladyboys work only in the entertainment industry?

No. While some ladyboys work in entertainment (like cabaret clubs), many hold jobs in typical offices and various other sectors to support their families. The idea that they only work in adult-themed venues is a misconception.

How does karma relate to kathoeys?

Traditionally, in Buddhist teachings, being a kathoey is viewed as a form of penitence for men who have wronged women in past lives. It's seen as a lesson in compassion and understanding, rather than a punishment.

What is the main advice for dating ladyboys or Thai women?

The key is to approach the relationship with respect, acceptance, and tolerance. Treating a kathoey with the same respect you would show any other woman is essential for a positive dating experience in Thailand.

References:

“Role of religion in Thai culture.” 2012. MMH In Asia Master Class in Bangkok. https://blogs.cornell.edu/cornellmasterclassinbangkok/2012/02/26/role-of-religion-in-thai-culture/#:~:text=Another%20one%20of%20Buddhism's%20teachings,the%20Buddhist%20aspect%20of%20society.

Totman, Richard. 2003. The third sex : Kathoey : Thailand's ladyboys. N.p.: Souvenir. https://archive.org/details/thirdsexkathoeyt0000totm/page/56/mode/2up