When the dust settles after a breakup, you’re left with a heavy and broken heart. It’s going to be difficult from here on out. But it doesn’t have to be.
It’s not easy to move on while you’re still in pain from your breakup. Many have gone through the same scenario, and many have struggled to understand why they haven’t yet moved on from their past partners.
Here’s the thing: To move on, you must accept the fact that your partner is gone—no more getting back together, no more second chances, and no more takebacks. Otherwise, you’re just going to think about the what-ifs and dwell on your ex.
Your Guide to Healing
“You must never give in to despair. Allow yourself to slip down that road, and you surrender to your lowest instincts.”
Before you go and search “how to forget someone you love,” you need to know that forgetting the person you used to love is not the miracle balm to heal your broken heart, nor is moving on from your past lover. They might help alleviate the pain, but they’re not the end-all and be-all of healing.
You might also be thinking that you have to move on immediately. Your ex is already doing better than you, so why are you still moping around? But the truth is, if you rush yourself, you'll only set yourself up for further heartbreak.
You need to understand that your emotions are still clouding your judgment. Even if you claim to feel “fine,” you’re not. That’s why it’s best to stay put and not do anything impulsive.
Since your thoughts are too cluttered to think of ways to help you how to move on, here are 5 tips to aid in your healing process and get over your breakup.
Acknowledge the Past and Present
Denial is the opposite of confirmation, and to deny what happened means you are still clinging to the past.
There’s no point in justifying your actions or your partner’s—it’s all water under the bridge now, and the only thing to do is accept the fact that it’s done.
Understandably, people will go through different variations of grief, but at some point, they will acknowledge that the past is done, and they’re living with the consequences of their actions.
The past may haunt a person, and nobody can get rid of those thoughts. But if you acknowledge and accept that you’ve done something wrong or that your partner has wronged you, you are already 2 steps ahead in moving on from your past.
Here’s a little mantra to tell yourself: “Who I was before is not who I am now. I will accept my past to change the present.”
Many people don’t know that acknowledging what happened can drastically shift their negative energy into something positive.
Just as in the Buddhist teachings of Thailand relating to karma, never complain about harvesting bad crops when you know you’re responsible for planting them.
If you acknowledge that what you’ve done was wrong, then you’re ready to do the right thing towards others.
Forgive Yourself and Your Ex
The act of forgiveness is one of the most powerful things a person can do. According to Matt James, Ph.D., via Psychology Today, forgiving yourself frees you from bitterness and anger—two emotions that affect your mental health.
If you want to heal your past hurts, learn how to forgive yourself first.
Understandably, forgiving yourself is not as easy as forgiving others. The latter seems easy because you’re releasing parts of the past that don’t define who you are, but forgiving yourself? It’s difficult because the actions you’ve caused to others define who you are.
Learning how to heal past hurts also requires you to forgive the people who hurt you and the people you hurt. That means you should also forgive your ex.
Many people lash out at their ex on social media. However, what they’re doing is stooping to their level, making themselves miserable.
Forgiving your ex is tricky and, albeit, a pride-shattering move. But if you want to move on, you have to be the bigger person and forgive them for whatever they’ve done to you.
Confide in People You Trust
While it is wise to stand up for yourself and move on, it is best that you let others help carry your burden. Asking for help from others doesn’t make you look weak—you’re strong because you aren’t afraid of showing vulnerability.
Remember, grief shared is half a grief. That means the burden you carry becomes lighter if you share it with someone. And when you’re feeling lighter, you can move on and walk away a lot quicker.
Never be afraid to ask for support from your friends and family. You don’t have to face your problems on your own. Let their love heal you by accepting their care and support.
Self-Reflect and Meditate
At the end of the day, you will be left alone with your thoughts, and you are the only one who’s capable of deciding whether to move on or not.
While it is normal and healthy for someone to criticize and rebuke themselves for what they’ve done in the past, it becomes unhealthy when they keep putting themselves down instead of helping themselves up.
Self-reflection and meditation help you analyze the mistakes you made, the right decisions you chose, and what opportunities you missed out on in your previous relationships.
The key to a healthy self-reflection is picturing yourself as another person and providing feedback from a neutral perspective.
The reason why you want to see yourself from a neutral perspective is that your emotions are your own bias, keeping you from making sound decisions.
Sometimes you just need to take a step back, take a deep breath, and think about what you have done, what you can do, and what you should do.
Active Routines and Healthy Distractions
The worst part of going through a breakup is relearning your daily routines without your partner. But the good news is that you have more time to spend on yourself, especially in activities that benefit your mind and body.
People often become avid gym members to cope with their breakups. They work out not just to get healthy but to look better, giving them the “post-breakup glow.”
While it is a good way of becoming better, it should never be about spiting your ex. Do it for yourself. If you do it because you want your ex to regret leaving you, you’re only showing that you’re still thinking about them.
If you’re not into going to the gym or doing anything active, you can join book clubs or trivia nights with random people to get your mind off things.
Anything that gets you to move and think of anything other than your ex can help you move on.
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Healing from a breakup is never an easy process. But with this short guide, you will at least have a direction in getting over your past.
If you want to know how to heal past hurts, you must be willing to go through the pains of letting go of the person you used to love.
Like treating a wound, it will hurt when you try to cure it, but over time, it will heal, and the pain will disappear.
People like to think back on the past and wish they’d never gone through such events. However, if you think about it, like scars, they remind you of how strong you are for surviving the pain of losing someone you once loved dearly.
Move on and be a better person for your future relationships.
External References:
“How to Forgive Yourself.” 2022. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/202201/how-forgive-yourself.