How to Get Self-Confidence Back After a Breakup: Self Love

How did you feel when things went south in your relationship? Probably a lot went through your mind—juggling what you should’ve done to maintain your relationship, but sadly, it all ended with a breakup.

Understandably, breaking up leaves both parties confused about themselves and questioning their self-worth. But why do people suddenly feel like they’ve lost a huge chunk of themselves?

That’s because they’ve invested a lot in the relationship and in their partners, leaving nothing left for themselves. As the metaphor goes: “They had a dozen eggs, but they gave them all away to the market, leaving themselves with no eggs for breakfast.”

According to Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby from Growing Self, we often merge personalities with the one we love and lose ourselves in the relationship…the breakup can leave us feeling empty, lost, and confused. While it is normal for a person to lose themselves, one must learn how to get self-confidence back after a breakup.

Although regaining everything is challenging, here’s what you can do to restore your confidence, appreciate your worth, and create a newer, stronger version of yourself.

Regain Your Confidence through Self-Love

“I’m just an outline of what I used to be—constantly evolving, steadily revolving”

When you think of self-love, you’d think of spa day, retail therapy, or going out on trips by yourself. While you’re not wrong to indulge in activities that give relief and peace, you must understand that self-love requires thorough reflection on how you see yourself.

If you want to restore your confidence, then you need to do two things: assess your value and accept your imperfections.

Value Assessment

Learn to assess your value as a person. A breakup alters a person’s perspective on their self-worth; hence, it is important to reassess oneself in a neutral yet positive light.

Through self-reflection, analyze your strengths in your previous relationship, what you have achieved as a partner, and what non-romantic goals you’ve accomplished. Sometimes, you need to see what you’ve attained to make you realize that you are better off without your ex.

Be Your Own Compassionate Friend

Breakups can bring out your inner harsh critic, but why do we need to beat ourselves up when we’re already breaking down? This is where you need to start treating yourself with more compassion.

We’re human, and that’s a fact. We all have flaws that have affected people and relationships; it’s inevitable, which is why it’s utterly important to recognize our flaws and accept that some things are difficult to change.

If people say that you are too clingy or you love too much, let them be—there’s nothing wrong with expressing your affection.

Like a father raising his children, he scolds them and reminds them lovingly because he cares for them. So, critique yourself, and appreciate the things that make you, you.

The Art of Dating Myself: Reclaiming Your Identity and Confidence

The lack of self-confidence means you are disconnected from yourself. If you want your confidence back and better than ever, reconnect by going on a solo date.

These tips will help you move forward in reconnecting with yourself and re-establishing your confidence:

Discover old interests. You now have the time to go back to your old hobbies—nothing like reconnecting with your past happiness.
Set a non-relationship goal. Breakups can cause a person to feel lost and hesitant in life. Set a healthy goal for yourself so you will know what to do and what to achieve.
Schedule activities for yourself. Set aside time for self-improvement. Go to the gym, play a new sport, book a stay at a resort—have the time to enjoy things for yourself.

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Overcoming the loss of self-confidence after a breakup is not only about forgetting the past; it’s proactively choosing to change your fate in the future, which begins with consistent self-love.

Date yourself; set a standard. Treat yourself the way you wish to treat someone on a date. A boost in self-worth is what you need to get your confidence back. It’s a harsh world; give yourself a break, and when you’ve found your strength to re-establish your confidence, give dating a shot again.

Regaining Self-Confidence Post-Breakup: FAQs

Why do I feel like I lost myself after a breakup?

People often invest themselves heavily in the connection. When the relationship ends, this withdrawal can leave an individual feeling empty, lost, and confused about their own self-worth.

What is the first step to regain self-confidence after a split?

The first step is thorough self-love, which involves deep reflection. You must assess your personal value by recognizing your past achievements and strengths, and accept your imperfections with compassion.

How can I reconnect with myself and my identity?

To reconnect, start "dating yourself" by actively scheduling activities for personal enjoyment and self-improvement. Rediscover old hobbies, set non-relationship goals, and dedicate time to appreciate your own company.

What are examples of non-relationship goals to set?

Non-relationship goals can be anything that brings personal achievement, confidence, and direction. Examples include training for a marathon, learning a new language, focusing on a career milestone, or mastering a new skill.

When should I start dating again after focusing on self-love?

You should consider dating again once you have consistently practiced self-love, successfully re-established your self-worth, and feel emotionally strong and secure in your identity. The focus should be on personal readiness.

References:

Bobby, Lisa M. n.d. “How to Love Yourself After a Breakup: Repair Your Self Esteem.” Growing Self Counseling & Coaching. Accessed October 30, 2025. https://www.growingself.com/how-to-love-yourself-after-a-breakup/.